


Dear Abby

by SamuelJames



Category: CSI: NY, NCIS
Genre: Community: comment_fic, Domme/sub, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-03
Updated: 2010-09-03
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:50:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamuelJames/pseuds/SamuelJames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it means for Adam to be Abby's sub.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Abby

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Dear Abby  
> Pairing: Abby Sciuto/Adam Ross  
> Rating: NC-17/18+  
> Summary: What it means for Adam to be Abby's sub.  
> Notes: Written for the comment_fic prompt Adam writes about what it's like to be Abby's sub/slave  
> Kinks: Domme/sub relationship.  
> Disclaimer: CSI: NY and NCIS are the property of their respective creators. No copyright infringement is intended.  
> Archiving Information: Please do not archive elsewhere on the net.

Abby,

When I first had these desires I thought them wrong. I thought maybe I was messed up from my family life and it had twisted me in some way. I didn't think there were other people like me. Then I heard about S&amp;M and it was a revelation. It was brilliant finding an online community of people who told me I wasn't sick or broken or bad. In fact some of those people talked like they'd read my mind. I didn't get the desire to dominate. I knew I wanted to submit and there were some scary online offers before Jane. We never met in person but she'd give me orders and have me tell her when I'd completed them. She was a switch and when things got serious with her Dom she ended our relationship.

When I first met you I thought you might be a sub too because of your collar. I still cringe when I remember you correcting my assumption. In fact I'm not sure how we ever got this far. I wanted you and couldn't help blushing in your presence and the first kiss was so awkward I'm surprised you wanted a second. I was so glad to be wrong because being with you, being yours is the best feeling in the world. You've never once made me feel bad for the things I enjoy doing or more accurately the things I like being done to me.

You're beautiful Abby and I've seen other subs be envious of me. You know just how to drive me crazy, making me want to touch you when I'm restrained. I love watching you touch yourself while you tell me how beautiful the ropes look. You'll let me lick your fingers, the briefest taste before you move away from me again to tease with feathers or ice or wax. I love that look of concentration on your face when you're deciding what to do. I love it when you end the torment and let me kiss you before making me come. You're always just as slow at undoing the ropes, kissing the red marks they leave and running your hands over my body. I'm so happy then but even more so when I'm allowed to touch you and pleasure you. Sometimes that matters more to me than my own pleasure.

I love the way you look at me when I'm kneeling in only my collar. The anticipation of what will happen always turns me on. When you tell me I'm your beautiful boy it makes me proud to please you. I was so happy the day you gave me my collar. Although I was secure before that, the collar made things more permanent. That night, coming apart under your touch and having you praise me and kiss me softly, was wonderful. You looked beautiful as always but different without your own collar for once. I loved your hair down and your outfit was perfect for you. I'm glad we have the photo of you in your red corset and black skirt with you smiling at me. I know I'm blushing in it but it captures perfectly how happy I was to be owned.

Routines only indulge my OCD but your way of dealing with it helps a lot. By making free time an order I've learned how to relax more. I like that you still allow me some sort of timetable and that I have set tasks for you. It's not the same as sex but cooking for you or cleaning your boots gives me that same sense of satisfaction in having pleased you. You're a great Domme and I love that you can see how much the simplest touch from you helps. Even your hand on my back at the lab settles me. You know when I start double and triple checking results that it's not because I think they're wrong and it helps to have you bring me back from that.

At work I feel happy, like I have this secret. You'll whisper plans into my ear or orders and I'll think about them while I work. The braid on my wrist in place of my collar is something only we know. Sometimes I'll catch you looking at me and my hand instinctively goes to my braid. It's so reassuring to have it. When I do well at work it's great to see you're proud of me. Even if it's a "great job" in front of the team I see it in the way you look at me.

I used to think occasional play would satisfy my urges and that I'd have to be "normal" the rest of the time. Now that I know better it is so freeing to just be yours always. You must get tired of making most of the decisions but if you do I've never heard you complain. This job means bad days are a given and even when you cry, when you need me to hold you there's never been a bad day where you haven't taken care of me. You know I need to feel used on those days so you don't hold back. Afterwards you tell me how good I did and play with my hair. I love aftercare, being cleaned, cuddled and comforted. Just thinking about it now makes me smile.

You've changed my life so much. I know you've seen a change in me. At the beginning I fell for you so hard and wondered why you weren't as interested. It took time to see that you were maintaining control and showing me exactly what a relationship would be like. You were never cold or distant, this is coming out wrong. I just mean that I saw more of your strict side than the sweet. The talk about boundaries, kinks and punishments changed that. When I told you I liked puppy play you were immediately positive. I'd been nervous about telling you. You've always encouraged me and been supportive when I've been frustrated at not getting into the pup mindset. When it does happen it's wonderful but sometimes I can't quiet my mind.

There are times when I need you to take me out of my head and those nights when we play hard are tough. It still gets overwhelming sometimes but I always feel better for it. I love being marked by you or feeling lingering pain the next day. Spanking helps, I concentrate on the pain, the heat, the pleasure. It focuses me so much on you and your touch, hands caressing me between slaps. At the start I used to like having a set number to get to but now I like not knowing when you'll stop. It's lots of little things like that which make me see how far we've come. I've been happy to give up more and more control to you.

I know you've asked for this because of our conversation about safewords. The reason I've never used mine is because I've never needed to. I've come close a couple of times, especially when you use the flogger, but I promise you I'd use it if I needed to. Maybe you see my breaking point and stop just in time. I know a few times we've gone to yellow but I've never needed red. I'm so used to you checking in with me on how I'm doing. You need to be able to rely on me to stop things and you can. There are certainly times when I've been exhausted or cried but it's never been too much. I've argued with myself in my head about what I can take but I've never forced myself to endure anything. I would never abuse your trust in that way, it means far too much to me. To think about damaging what we have or losing you scares me. I am the most content I have ever been in my life, in love and completely loved.

I'm not sure if you were reluctant to try more pain play until we resolved this but if we ever do try something that gets too much I'll definitely speak up. For instance I don't think I could handle extreme CBT or being gagged. I'm happy to kneel by your side when we go to Dominion but if you wanted us to do a scene on stage I'd safeword then. I think from what you said that you're afraid I'm just letting you do anything to me. It's not that at all. I like being controlled but not so much that I'm out of touch with my wants and responses. I get the most pleasure from making you happy. If I was being a bad sub by not safewording I wouldn't be making you happy and therefore I wouldn't be as happy.

We've always been able to discuss things that either one of us wants to try but this is not me trying to persuade you into doing something that only I might want. I meant every word and if you decide we shouldn't try more I'll happily accept your decision. Trying new things can be exciting but I'm also very happy with what we do now. I hope I've addressed the question properly because I think I may have rambled a bit. Essentially I feel blessed that we're together. Till you I didn't know I could be this settled. I will always do my best to make you happy. I might not be the most outspoken sub but that's because I've got nothing to complain about.

Always Yours  
Adam


End file.
